i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
