whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
