What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
