I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i out mim tonsoeep
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