You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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