Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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