I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
