remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
