this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
