I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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