If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
