Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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