so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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