If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
