when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
