It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
