My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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