eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
