If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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