I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I want a musical about memes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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