I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
