All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
