Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
