WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't make out with my wife yet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
