There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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