My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
