I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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