omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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