God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
