definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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