Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
