We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
