I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
