If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
