You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
