well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
