it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
