the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
