Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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