You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
