im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
