I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
