I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think i peed on brittanys purse
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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