Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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