Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
