susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
