I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
