wat bout pragnant strippers??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
