So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
