you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
