jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
