it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
