I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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