I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
