I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
