I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
