her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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