Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
