4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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