You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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