Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
