I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize