Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
