booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
