Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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