In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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