Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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