i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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