Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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