you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pooping to opera.
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