it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
