if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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