weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
