I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
