I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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