How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
