Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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