I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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