he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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