I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Even my vagina gasped.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
