I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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